I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
