You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cockslap morals
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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