so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
