Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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