i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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