I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
worst night to have a conscience
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
