Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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