he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
