I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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