Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
