Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
