She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
