Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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