So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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