White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
