Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
