Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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