Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
People in love make me want to vomit
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize