People in love make me want to vomit
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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