I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
