He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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