I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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