Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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