I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Success! We fucked roommates!
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