I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
