I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
