I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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