i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
