Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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