You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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