im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
