Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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