my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
