i already hear my dad disowning me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize