Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
