oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
