Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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