so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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