My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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