there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
