You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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