Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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