At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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