I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
