hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
