Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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