I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All the doctor said was why
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
