yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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