i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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