i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
