So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
