I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
