"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
