Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
