your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
