You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
