I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
