It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
