I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
