I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize