Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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