ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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