we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
