I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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