Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
