dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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