i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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