It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
