I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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