someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
