even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
