I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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