you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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