I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
