A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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