Your dad touched me again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
