But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
