I want to stick my p in your. b.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize