The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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