I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
