Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
