her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
