They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
