I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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