Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
