Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
