You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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