DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's like heaven, but drunker
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
