I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
