You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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