college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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