i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
