lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
