Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
