The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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