3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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