my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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