I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize