a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
