Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize