Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
