i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
