You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
