Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
