At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I want is dick and wine.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His nipple licking is glorious
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