shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
