i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
