Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
