I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
