Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
